When I was younger in the faith I use to enjoy reading books like Madame Guyon, and other mystical writers that speak on the inner crucifixion of the Christian experience.

In my naivety I thought it was fascinating to read the in-depth details of the inner crucifixion of the life of Christ.

Over the years, and ever growing experience of this reality, I find it very difficult to find much enjoyment in reading about these kinds of things.

I have never written much on this aspect of the Christian experience, but felt I needed to express some thoughts regarding this road we often have to travel.

The cross of Christ is many sided in ones experience.

One side of the cross is the experience of being raised into the heavenly glory of the eternal Kingdom, seeing the greatness of our great King and God.

Partaking in the glory of his great victory that he secured for our salvation.

When he ascended into the heavens he took us with him and made us partakers of the greatness of his love.

This is a wonderful time when God by his mercy reveals in us this rapturous event.

But there are times also in our walk, when the Lord brings us into the great agony of the death of deaths, which is also is a very real experience for us in him.

Yes when he ascended to the throne we were with him, but we also were with him, when the rulers and authorities of this present evil age, ventilated their wrath and fury against him on the cross.

When one is brought into this event, the Christian experience becomes very unpleasant and difficult.

How can one even write on these things.

All is darkness, sorrow, suffering, confusion, its like being entombed in a place of weakness, unable to make any defense of the deluge of on-slots that overwhelm the soul.

No human comes through these events a hero.

When this becomes our experience, then all we can do is endure and hang on until the storm clouds of the trial recede.

It’s hard to put it into any kind of words when this becomes our experience.

The crucifixion of Christ was devastating to the disciples.

The Lord was on the cross, but the cross to them was also a very real event.

They all collapsed under the moral strain of this universal experience.

It seems like every time we enter the agony of his death and sufferings, we wonder how did we get through it.

The cross is a devastating experience to the self hood of our humanity.

Thank God that he raised Jesus from the dead, thank God this event was not the final event.

No man could survive under the requirement that was asked for.

This event will follow our Christian experience throughout this present life.

The depth of it will ever be greater, but the height of the resurrection will ever be higher.

When we find this experience to be our lot, then like Job all we can do is sit on the ash heap of sorrow.

Waiting for the moment when God who raises the dead, lifts us up again into the glory of his resurrection victory, which he has secured for us.